As today goes on and moves into history I'm hard pressed to pick out many monumental moments from 2009.
I feel like 2009 was the year where a lot of stuff happened around me,as opposed to involving me.
I've been a working stiff for more than a year and I can say quite sufficiently that it's probably killing my soul. I feel so much less motivated to be creative or expressive. It's the driest drought I've had for as long as I can remember.
All the while the weight of the world rests just above my shoulders as the people around me pursue the things they want to do. Meanwhile I trod in circles, alongside the productive, as the things I thought I wanted to do fall further away from me. Not just from my reach but, from my mental capacities.
I don't think I have a dream job. It's insane.
I don't know that I made any resolutions last year-- I never keep them anyway.
If i did it probably had something to do with losing 15 pounds (the elusive 15 pounds) and it's pretty safe to say that that didn't happen.
I actually don't mind the idea of resolutions. I think they get a bad rap. Resolutions aren't ultimates they're just goals. The problem with them is that just because you want to stop biting your nails doesn't mean you will (even though I did). I'd like to make some bigger picture resolutions for 2010. Things that reflect upon what I've learned (or not) from 2009.
Maybe things like try to find your fucking ambition again. Or, appreciate your family because shitty things happen, even to the best people. Or, not eveyone is what you think they are (ever).

In essence I'd like to contnue the downsizing I think I've achieved in my life throughout 2009 into 2010- quality over quantity. Except without that sounding so horrible and bitchy.

I'd like to walk out to the West coast and paint Washington red with Papa Bear; make pots with my mental soul mate; get Hubert to love me; kiss the cutest boy in the entire world goodnight everynight and appreciate the fuck out of every second of it.

This whole entry is getting a little out of hand. I'd just like to keep going foward is all. I said I wanted to rely less on the microwave-- and I have. I just want to be a better me all the time, no matter what year it is.

currently hating
my stomach and the fact that it's viral and
will not (apparently) let me eat fish anymore.
did i mention i love fish?
my bank account for reminding me i'm pretty poor.
my mouth for biting my nails.
the weather for keeping me from riding my tandem bike.

i can't

decide whether it's more frustrating to oggle things that are ridiculously out of my
price range or just barely out of my price range.
for instance: topshop. fucking, clothes that are ALMOST affordable for me and completely frustrating to look at. it's probably a blessing that the website almost always times out.

i die:

zac posen for target, nuff said.

yes!

le sigh.

i've been working on a longer, actual entry but i keep getting distracted by having to do work and wanting to be an olsen.

I've deleted at least 7 paragraphs from this white box.
The jist of it all is:

-there is a roll of tape at work and it might make me kill myself.
-I can't figure out where to go from "here".
-I don't trust technology.
-I'm sad I don't write (well) anymore.

filled

with insane jealousy because these glasses are not resting on the bridge of my nose.


thank god they are on the face of someone whom i respect and cherish.
otherwise...there'd certainly be hell to pay.

i just want to:

http://moma.org/visit/calendar/exhibitions/313

this made me think of you poppa:

T's b-day present to me:

how did i miss this?!

just a little pick me up courtesy of the one and only, peepers perry:

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds. "

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about suppositories?"

Pharmacist: "You bet!"

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We sure do."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "Adult diapers?"

Pharmacist: "Sure."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

my. fucking. jam.

Nymag.com has this feature (for select shows) called detail view. For instance I got to drool over close ups of all the shoes from Alexander McQueen. I wish it was 2036 so I could wear them all. Or that I weighed 90 lbs (for the same reason). Can't wait for the spring when I can walk around in lingerie and nude colored shirts with booty shorts all the time, for reals.
Trying to purge my wardrobe. It's not going so well. I've decided to get rid of things (like all my dress pants when I replace them with one pair I actually really like.) I'm trying to get back to basics because they seem to be the only things I wear anyway.

ALSO:

Literacy.
Non Fiction:

Finished—> Why Kerouac Matters: The Lessons of On the Road (They’re Not What You Think) (John Leland)

Finished—> Oswald’s Tale: An American Mystery (Norman Mailer)

Started—> Life the Movie: How Entertainment Conquered Reality (Neal Gabler)

Next—> I’d really like to read a book about/by Eadweard Muybridge. Seeing how I don’t own one and, probably should not spend more money on books (since I’m broke and spent 40$ at Barnes and Noble last week anyway) I’ll probably move on to Breaking the Glass Armor (Kristin Thompson).

Fiction:

Finished—> On the Road (Jack Kerouac)

Started—> Big Sur (Jack Kerouac); The Picture of Dorian Gray (Oscar Wilde)

Next—> I have Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass (Lewis Carroll) waiting (see: above ill sucking at the teet of The Man in Barnes and Noble) but, as soon as I finish Big Sur I’m moving on to Visions of Cody or The Dharma Bums, really, whichever I get my hands on first.

Pen:

I wrote a dumb stupid fraction of a poem in my journal last night. It did get my eyes wet which will be better for writing later, like tonight, though. Process/progress. Haven’t started in on the study questions I took off the net (throwback Sparknotes) for On The Road yet. Maybe I’ll do that tonight. This Life…book really makes me want to talk back and I can see my notes getting progressively longer in the margins already. It feels good to be waking up. Lots of words to look up—vocab tests would help.

Type:

Haven’t written a letter in a while. The guy from the Sopranos is looming over my station. I almost wish it could help me write more violently- in every notion that could mean. Eh, I pound pretty hard as it is I guess. My flowers have wilted but I never want to throw them out.

One thing's for certain: There are going to be an awful lot of beige jackets and pants, khaki shirts, and colorless chiffon things to choose from—or possibly shy away from—when Spring deliveries arrive.

...my bolds...

audible sigh followed by slumping of shoulders
although, i guess i shouldn't be too jealous considering she's letting russel brand bump uglies with her. ew!

my bunny boo boo

that's what i'm calling you today poppa.
i hope you still look at this with your eyes and
hear it in your ears and
answer it in your mouth and
comprehend it in your brain and
feel me in your heart
because
i'm terrible at telephone etiquette.

i hate feeling like i'm drying up.
i just want to be the soggiest sponge there ever was.
i want to spend my days reading and my nights being inspired but,
that can't even be reality.

did you know that two fillings can cost you $511, with insurance?
i do now (and should probably not be chewing my 4th consecutive piece of gum).

i hope one day i can come see you in the wilds of washington
although i'll miss meekis just the same.

it's a shame you aren't around anymore (physically) to open my eyes for me,
or lift me off the ground surrounded by pure glee.

that's really all i'm thinking right now.




aside from that you will ABSOLUTELY have a package sometime in the month of november to mark,
our anniversary.

moma

EXHIBITIONS Tim Burton
November 22, 2009–April 26, 2010

Theater 1 Gallery
Theater 2 Gallery
Special Exhibitions Gallery, third floor
Museum Lobby


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Accompanied by the film exhibition Tim Burton

This major career retrospective on Tim Burton (American, b. 1958), consisting of a gallery exhibition and a film series, considers Burton's career as a director, producer, writer, and concept artist for live-action and animated films, along with his work as a fiction writer, photographer and illustrator. Following the current of his visual imagination from his earliest childhood drawing through his mature work, the exhibition presents artwork generated during the conception and production of his films, and highlights a number of unrealized projects and never-before-seen pieces, as well as student art, his earliest non-professional films, and examples of his work as a storyteller and graphic artist for non-film projects. The opposing themes of adolescence and adulthood, and the elements of sentiment, cynicism, and humor inform his work in a variety of mediums—drawings, paintings, storyboards, digital and moving-image formats, puppets and maquettes, props, costumes, ephemera, sketchbooks, and cartoons. Taking inspiration from sources in pop culture, Burton has reinvented Hollywood genre filmmaking as a spiritual experience, influencing a generation of young artists working in film, video, and graphics.

Burton's films include Vincent (1982), Pee-Wee's Big Adventure (1985), Beetlejuice (1988), Batman (1989), Edward Scissorhands (1990), Batman Returns (1992), The Nightmare Before Christmas (as creator and producer) (1993), Ed Wood (1994), Mars Attacks! (1996), Sleepy Hollow (1999), Big Fish (2003), Corpse Bride (2005), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005), and Sweeney Todd (2007); writing and Web projects include The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy & Other Stories (1997) and Stainboy (2000).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Organized by Ron Magliozzi, Assistant Curator, and Jenny He, Curatorial Assistant, Department of Film, with Rajendra Roy, The Celeste Bartos Chief Curator of Film.

VICE PHOTOS
By Miranda JulySTORY BY MIRANDA JULY AND ROE ETHRIDGE

http://www.viceland.com/int/v16n9/htdocs/photos-miranda-july-136.php


also,

http://vimeo.com/1976212

kind of exactly what i needed to stumble upon today.
it's a little weird the messages we get exactly when we need to.
thanks, universe.

tao okamoto...

...can do no wrong<3

luckiest bitch ever, and it looks so good on her aside from her hair.

http://whoodoodolls.webs.com/apps/photos/
favs:

http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2009/09/balenciaga_campaign.html?mid=fashion-alert--20090903#photo=7


i really hate jennifer connolly in this whole campaign just because her face is dumb and empty and the same in all of them.
if you swapped out her face pic #4 would be my favvvvv.

...got distracted by accidentally going to bergdorf's dot com.

planning to go through all the new arrivals ended up being an hour and a half diversion into just the shoes.

i wish wearing/looking/touching these things was my job.

louboutin:

choo:

prada:

stella mccartney:

valentino:

manolo:

dior:

elizabeth&james:

gucci:

lanvin: