when i got to work this morning i spent just about the first three hours sitting at my desk, staring at my computer screen, thinking about how i wasn't sure if i had actually woken up this morning. i could tell that just the bottom halves of my baby blues were concentrating on anything passing before my face.
actually, until i pumped my veins full of caffeine (just the beginning of what will be a day/night driven by caffeine so i can dance until every bad thought and feeling has leaked out of my pores) i was pretty confused as to whether i was actually here.
today just hasn't felt real ever since i fell back asleep after opening my eyes and seeing how fucking perfect the sky was. it definitely didn't look that way when i finally walked out to my car.

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feeling trapped between these blonde strands and holly-specs today,
feeling the weight of these d's and everything other oz that hangs off my bod.
just wishing it was your voice and eyes that peered back through the mirror
so i would know if i even looked okay.

rant runt rint

The thing is I'm quite cranky today (right now) and I'm pretty sure it's only because I'm stuck behind this desk and I basically finished everything I could "need" to do.
I bought a fucking diet pepsi to drink with my lunch (WHO AM I?) and had a mini powdered doughnut.
Drinking this soda makes me want to kill myself but I used my last dollar on it and therefore cannot buy a water. If only I could time travel.
I really wish this upside down May weather wasn't messing my vibe so much but this week has just been rougher than fucking sand paper. It's only Wednesday.
It's absolutely the weather. I'm just extremely irritable.
All I want to do is play pixel junk monsters, cook for people I care about, hang out with the boy who makes me melt, drink gallons of gin, shake my hips, buy clothes/put together outfits, wear the shortest shorts, and not have to worry about money (or the lack thereof).
It's okay though because my spending has slowly been changing and I intend to keep making it do so. In 2010 I have bought one bra and one skirt. That makes just about 27$ spent on clothes. WHO AM I?
Unfortunately I think I've replaced my clothes shopping with food shopping. That is: going out to eat, buying fancy cheese, eating sushi for lunch. Things need to be reigned in or else I am just going to continue to miserable and I can't allow that. It's really not how I'm supposed to be.

There were other things I had intended to work into something here (just so I could work them out of my head). Like, how some people are turds. How it's sad that there are actually people who come into, and then go out of, your life and leave nothing good behind. Immediately after I typed that I realized it was absolute bullshit and not at all how I think hahahaha. Oh, there you ARE Jessica!

NEED

elizabeth cole, fish earrings:

faves

in no particular order:











1. Jessica Stam, Rachel Roy.
2. Claire Danes, Burberry. (Also, big up to Claire for having the best accessory of the night--HUGH DANCY).
3. Rachel Weiss, Oscar de la Renta. (Honorable mention to Naomi Watts, I just couldn't bring myself to having two favorite hot pink dresses.)
4. Amber Valleta, RM by Roland Mouret.
5. Stella McCartney and Kate Hudson, Stella McCartney.
6. Marion Cotillard, Dior. (DUH.)
7. SJP, Halston Heritage.
8. Alexa "tooth pick legs" Chung, 3.1 Phillip Lim.
9. Chloe Sevigny, Proenza Schouler. (I DIE.)